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Monday, September 8, 2008

It's All Fun and Games Until Someone Gets Glass in Their Crotch

I have a complaint for the makers of the fabulous toilet wand, which has made my life substantially easier in every way... until last night that is. Since Riley really seems to enjoy doing the breast stroke in the toilet, I figured I'd clean it. Who wants a soggy cat with questionable stains on his fur, I mean really. So I'm scrubbing away with my handy dandy toilet wand because I, unlike Riley, despise having to submerge my hand in cold, dirty water in order to clean the bowl, and suddenly the scrubber head pops off and sails right down the toilet just as I'm flushing away the bleach! For all you engineering majors out there, can you tell me what happens when a large spongey thing attached to a plastic disc that is twice the circumference of the hole, decides to make a break for the river? That's right! IT GETS STUCK!

My mother's all too helpful suggestion was to take apart a metal coathanger and try to drag the sponge back out. So here I am on hands and knees, jamming a coathanger into my toilet when Riley decides NOW would be a fantastic time to play in the water. He starts trying to attack the coathanger and in the meantime winds up soaking me with toilet water, and of course the sponge is STILL stuck. I throw the hanger down on the bathroom floor in exasperation and watch as Riley pounces on it just to make sure it's dead, and I realize I have only one option. Sticking my arm in the cold, dirty water to fish out the sponge that is currently making my life damned near impossible. Oh, and did I mention I REALLY REALLY have to pee at this moment?

I don a yellow rubber glove and try sticking my hand into the drain hole to see how far the sponge has gone. But of course, since I had flushed the toilet unsuccessfully the bowl is almost completely full so when I stick my hand in, the cold, dirty water floods into the top of the glove, thus negating the purpose of said glove. I try not to gag as I reach in and finally feel the plastic nib of the sponge. I yank it out with a triumphant, "HA!"... which of course was a bad idea because HEY GUESS WHAT sponges retain water! Imagine that! So yeah, had to wash my face after that....

1 comment:

  1. ahhh the toilet and riley, a never ending well from which springs forth both humor and sketchy water!

    What a great story.

    BTW, the title made me smile like none other.