Eating the Paste on Facebook

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Pics or It Didn't Happen

New Year's Resolution. Again.

I know it's a little early but when a good resolution hits you, you have to hit back. Before it runs away, laughing hysterically and calling you "slow".

So here it is Paste fans. All 3 of you.

I have hereby resolved to finally start writing "Eating the Paste: The Book".

No really, this time I'm going to do it. I even wrote the first page. I swear!

Friday, December 10, 2010

Cupcakes on a Stick

Oh and an addendum to the entry about the kid with the "cupcake cake"....

Kiddo Smith who informed me that the textbook company must know his mother (and then also informed me that his mother had orphanage papers drawn up and ready) had a birthday recently as well. Like the rest of the children he asked if he could bring in treats to celebrate. He comes in the next morning with a cookie sheet full of CUPCAKES ON A STICK. I kid you not. Cupcakesicles. Cupcakes flattened to look like those fat popsicles you can break in half with a stick shoved in the middle.

He also presented me with a prototype drawing for the "Freudian Slip" Whoopie Cushion. It makes the farty noise then commands (in a German accent of course), "Tell me your problems." I'm not sure how I feel about the concept of sitting on Freud's face just for a giggle...

"For your information, Dave, Anna is a vegetarian."

Top Ten Ways to Tell You're a Teacher

1. When you go to pull down your pants in the ladies room, the following items spill out of your pocket: 2 dry erase markers (one red, one black); paper clips of various shapes, sizes, and colors; a grape scented pencil; and assorted scraps of paper.

2. When requesting a refund on Ebay, your mother asks, "Are you being mean, or are you using your teacher voice to scare a refund out of her?"

3. On the back seat of your car is no longer a change of clothes, sexy heels, and spare makeup bag. Instead there is one sneaker, a travel coffee mug that you keep forgetting to bring inside and wash, and a green and blue koosh ball you found in the parking lot that you thought one of the kids might like.

4. On a second date you sit down to watch a movie and automatically pull papers out of your purse to grade.

5. Your INBOX on Facebook is jammed with messages from students asking when the next spelling test is (and whether or not spelling counts).

6. Your weekends are planned around whether or not you've managed to avoid catching whatever it is that the super affectionate little plague rats are currently carrying.

7. Your Christmas list currently has more classroom supplies listed than it does "fun" items. Oh and you wrote your list on the same decorative paper you had the kids write their list on during Art class.

8. The cuff of every single one of your white blouses has an unidentifiable black smudge on it. Come to think of it, it's probably dry erase marker...I hope that comes out with water. But if it came out with water, it wouldn't be dry erase would it...

9. You're the only one done with work at 2:30 everyday and you can't find anyone to come over and play.

10. And finally, you know you're a teacher when the reason you leave the party early is that it's getting late (past 9:00 pm) and you have bus duty in the morning.

God help me...